Digital Joe #29

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According to Dictionary.com, the term complete has the following definitions: having all parts or elements; lacking nothing; whole; entire; full. I´ve never had any problem understanding this concept. If I was asked to cut the grass, I was expected to do the complete job, which including the actual lawn mowing, the edging, the weed wacking and the sweeping. All of these tasks were involved in completing my job. So why isn´t the same logic applied to television programs?

Okay, let´s take another example. We know I am a great fan of the movie "Alien". I wouldn´t consider this movie complete if it didn´t include the following things: the opening Twentieth Century Fox logo, the opening credits, the main feature and the closing credits as they were originally released in the theater. I think you´d all agree with me that one of those wretched "edited for content" movies on television are NOT the complete movie. Right?

Now that we´re all on the same page, what the hell is the deal with everyone releasing what they laughingly call a complete season set when, in reality, those programs are not the original broadcast versions? Seriously, syndication cuts are not-nor will they ever be-complete episodes. There is no discussion about this. Period. I would not abide someone claiming that "Jaws" is a complete movie without the score by John Williams. Nor would a book that claimed to be the complete works of William Shakespeare be complete if it omitted, say, "Romeo and Juliet".

So why oh why is it that hard for these studio types to understand this? Do they think we, as fans, aren´t going to notice and we´re just going to swallow whatever they want us to? In this day and age, with all the information we have on the internet and the invaluable experience of television historians, it´s foolish to think they can get away with false advertising.

There, I just said it. False advertising.

I make it a rule not to buy any sets or movies that are not completely intact with their original music. I only bought one season of "Dawson´s Creek" before eventually getting rid of it, for example. Why do I have such a stand? I guess it´s a matter of principle. Why should I pay full price for a partial season? No one has ever been able to give me one good reason for that. And why can´t they? Because there simply isn´t. Should I pay the full price for a gallon of milk and be happy to get a half gallon? ¾ of the gallon? Hell no. How about if I pay $20,000 for a new car and don´t get a steering wheel. Problem? You´d better believe it.

I´ve been mostly lucky in the following respect: most of the shows I want to collect are on DVD in their complete and uncut forms. There is only one on the shelf that has any kind of cuts is "The Golden Girls" and the only reason that made it into the library is because the cuts were confined to two or three episodes from what I read. Believe it or not, I can live with that. But an entire season of syndicated episodes? I´m not a fool, people.

I have been looking forward to next week´s release of "Mama´s Family: The Complete First Season" from Warner Brothers. I always found this show to be hysterically funny and wanted to revisit the early episodes again. However, it has been confirmed that each episode clocks in at about 21 minutes and 30 seconds. These, folks, are clearly syndication cuts and not the original broadcast episodes. What a freaking joke.

The original press release seemed to indicate this would be a "complete" season. It listed an approximate running time of 338 minutes for the 13 episode season. Doing some quick math, that would make each episode 26 minutes. Seems about right for a 1980s sitcom, doesn´t it? However, when the artwork was released not too long ago, the running time was listed as 278 minutes, breaking down to about 21.4 minutes each. Clearly not the original cuts.

Now I´m in a damn pickle. Do I go against my morals and principles to support this release on the hope that Warner is going to do a Season Two correctly? Or do I boycott this one and anything else I may want because it´s not the original cut?

I´ve heard in the last couple of days a couple different people defend this practice by various studios. One person claimed that the word complete does not imply each episode is uncut, just that each episode is included. I think you can all guess how I replied to that one, right?

Other people have claimed that maybe Warner, in this case, just doesn´t know any better since only the first two years aired on a network and the rest in first run syndication. My answer, again, is the same as it was before. There are enough knowledgeable people out there who can lend their expertise to any given release. They just don´t want to hear it.

In short, for me, there is NO excuse EVER for any shortened version of ANY program or movie to make it to DVD. Well, maybe there´s one. If the program or film is so old that there are no complete elements available. Such was the case with the 1937 Frank Capra film "Lost Horizon" (a personal favorite). Some film elements were lost, so those scenes were reconstructed using the available audio tracks and still photos. Let me underline this movie was released in 19-freaking-37. The television shows being released on DVD INCOMPLETE aired in the 1980s and 1990s. Completely unacceptable.

To be completely fair, other studios and television shows have had similar problems. The most publicized of these was the first season of "Roseanne". Long story short on that one is that Roseanne and consumers pitched such a fit to Anchor Bay that they secured the original broadcast versions for everything after season one. However, no word on a correct first season.

Warner has had more than enough time to do their research on this release. There is no doubt in my mind that they decided to throw it together without much regard. Wanna know how I know that? This is going to be a two-disc set, meaning one disc will have 6 episodes and the other 7. There are no extras at all, despite the fact the first season boasted high profile actors like Vicki Lawrence, Betty White and Rue McClanahan. I´m not looking for a loaded set, but an interview, the original pilot movie, outtakes, promos, a commentary…anything would allow me to have a little faith in this set.

I have loved Mama ever since the days it came on Saturday night´s before "Star Trek: The Next Generation". But I will not support a half-assed release. And that is exactly what this is. Half-assed. There is no excuse Warner could throw at us at this point that would get me to buy "The Complete First Season". It´s basically the same principle that I used last week to pass on the original theatrical editions of the "Star Wars" trilogy. If Lucas doesn´t see fit to give them a proper clean-up, anamorphic transfer and the deleted scenes we KNOW exist, then I can´t be bothered to buy them. Simple as that.

It´s about high time the various studios begin respecting their consumers. I can stomach seeing a single and double disc release sitting on the shelf. I can stomach some music replacement in a TV series as long as the original production personnel pick out the new music. I can stomach a double sided disc that had the Fool…er, Full Frame version on one side and the Widescreen on the other. I´ll even grit my teeth over the insipid "Limited Edition" discs being thrown out there. But I won´t swallow this crap about edited television show. Absolutely not.

Do I really expect a massive boycott of edited TV shows? No, because the community who cares about this kind of stuff is relatively small compared to the people who don´t care. "Mama´s Family" might be a great price next week, but I´ll be damned if I´m going to contribute to the problem.

For the last time, no original aspect ratio, no sale; no original version, no sale. Why the hell is that so hard to understand?

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