Digital Joe #43

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It´s finally here. Christmas for cine-philes. Summer movie season. This annual plethora of big bang special effects, sequels, and teen-pleasing action films rakes in untold billions of dollars after initial ticket sales, tie-ins, DVD´s, toys, games, shirts, collectibles and every other part of the merchandising puzzle is tallied up.

We start, this year, with "Spider-Man 3," widely purported to have the biggest budget of any movie ever. True? We won´t know this year; next year´s Sony financial statement might help a bit in uncovering the truth. Needless to say, with record openings in Asia this week, the third film (and last?) in the franchise is the longest and undoubtedly most hyped.

Then there´s the onslaught of other budget busting tentpoles. "Transformers" over the July 4th holiday; family friendly "Shrek the Third" in mid-May; the next "Pirates of the Caribbean" installment; "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer"; new "Harry Potter" in advance of the last book in that set; the long-awaited "The Simpsons" movie; more Pixar goodness in June´s "Ratatouille." And those are just the "name" movies of the summer.

"Evan Almighty" is slated for a June 22 release. It´s being called the most expensive comedy ever made. If we were to combine the budgets of just the films I´ve mentioned, a small country could comfortably live for a year. Isn´t that a much better use of funds? Are any of us really going to hurt if we never see Johnny Depp play Captain Jack ever again? Probably not…I know I won´t. I will be one of the only people on the planet not lining up for "At World´s End" (the surname of the third "Pirates" flick).

I´ve got a list of other films I´m excited about seeing this summer…aside from Optimus, Harry, Homer and Mr. Fantastic. First on that list is "Waitress" (May 2 in limited release), the last film from the late Adrienne Shelly. Don´t think me a sap: I don´t want to see "Waitress" because Shelly´s death was in the news recently. It´s cast is what attracts me to the project. Okay, it´s really only Nathan Fillion, a guy who can´t catch a break on television (see the recently cancelled "Drive" and the criminally underseen "Firefly").

Then there´s May 11´s "Georgia Rule," featuring Felicity Huffman, a fantastic actress stuck on a trainwreck of a television show (at least through it´s second season; I´ve bailed on it). Everytime the trailer comes on the screen at the multiplex, I get a good laugh out of it. Seriously, what more can I really expect out of any summer movie?

Lest you think I´m focusing on chick flicks here, "Bug" (May 25) from "The Exorcist" director William Friedkin has my attention. From early online reviews, I may end up regretting this decision. But it can´t be any worse than "Pathfinder," could it?

I´m morbidly curious about the Russian film "Day Watch" (June 1, limited release). The second in a trilogy, the trailers remind me of "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen"-no, it´s not as bad as the critics claimed. My only hesitation is the, well, subtitles. Will it diminish the impact of the action? I guess we´ll see.

Michael Moore´s latest is set to unspool "hopefully" in June. It´s called "Sicko" and takes aim at the healthcare industry. Say what you will about the man: he has the courage of his convictions no one else in Hollywood does. With a little bit of tweaking, "Fahrenheit 9/11" would have brought people together. Tone down the anger and the potshots just a bit.

A hell of a cast headlines June 29´s "Evening," another one of the "chick flicks" I´m making it a point to watch this summer. (Let´s hope they´re all better than the wretched "The Lake House.") Claire Danes, Toni Collette, Vanessa Redgrave, Meryl Streep, Glenn Close, Barry Bostwick… Please please please be good.

The July 4th-rumored "License to Wed" seems like an offbeat little comedy like last year´s "Little Miss Sunshine." However, it has the curse called Robin Williams. If it´s anything like "RV" or "The Night Listener," no thanks.

Up against "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" is "1408," a paranormal story about Room 1408 at the Dolphin Hotel. John Cusack and Sam Jackson star. It almost sounds like "The Reaping" with a main character trying to debunk supposed paranormal phenomenon.

I´m most curious about the Adam Sandler/Kevin James comedy "I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry." Two heterosexual firefighters pretend to be gay and get married for benefits. Initially I was optimistic about the comedy because of Sandler; recent trailers have made me grimace with dread. Let´s just hope this isn´t as homophobic and insulting as Cuba Gooding, Jr.´s, "Boat Trip."

"No Reservations" (July 27) combines some of my favorite things: the movies, cooking and Catherine Zeta-Jones (oh yeah, and Abigail Breslin from "Little Miss Sunshine"). How can it really go wrong?

Two movies with supposed July release dates (information is contradictory at best) are another thriller ("The Strangers" with Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman) and another "Little Miss Sunshine" wanna be ("Fat Girls"). Simply put, Tyler and Speedman are terrorized in a vacation home. Much like Kate Beckinsale and Luke Wilson were terrorized in a hotel room in "Vacancy," I´m guessing. And neither of the lead characters in "Fat Girls" is actually a girl; both are boys in a small town figuring out what it means to be friends.

(I just want to mention the documentary "No End in Sight"-referring to our continuing occupation of Iraq-which may debut in July.)

August is a real bummer in terms of films. Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig´s remake of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" is finally headed to the multiplex (titled "The Invasion," August 17). I don´t hold out much hope for it. The film has been in production since before Craig was cast as James Bond in "Casino Royale." What does that tell you?

"The Ten" may be the most ambitious summer film out there. It is comprised of ten stories taken from the Ten Commandments. Starring Jessica Alba, Michael Ian Black, Adam Brody, Paul Rudd, Famke Jenssen, Justin Therox, Gretchen Mol, Winona Ryder, Oliver Platt and Ron Silver, it opens in limited release August 3.

And finally, Rob Zombie´s reimagining/remake of the "Halloween" franchise gets its debut at the end of the August. What else is there to say about this? August 31 can´t come fast enough.

So there we have it. A whirlwind tour through a few summer films which will undoubtedly get crushed at the box office, but might end up being better than any of their competition.

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