Digital Joe #7

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You guys all know, from a couple weeks ago, that I keep a list of stuff I want to buy, right? And that list, if I recall correctly, included only one thing last week: "Brokeback Mountain". I picked that up on Tuesday (along with a really good price on a really good catalog movie) and vowed that was all I was going to get until this week's "Farscape".

I almost made it.

Due to an absolutely gorgeous day on Saturday and a computer that has been on the brink of blowing up since I imported my music collection onto my iPod, I decided I should do something before I made dinner. So I went out to the nearest computer store to pick up some computer memory. Feeling very, very proud of myself for figuring out what kind I needed (I'm computer-illiterate), I decided it would still be a waste of a day to go back home, sitting around doing nothing for the rest of the afternoon.

Against all my instincts, I went into the big box retailer that happens to be right next to the big box office supplies store that had my memory. Remember, I wasn't going to get anything; I was going in to look and that's it, I swear.

Normally when I go into these type of DVD stores, when an employee ask if I need any help, I shoo them off with a "Thanks, but I'm just looking". For some perverse reason, on Saturday, I told the young girl who helped me what I was "looking" for. I told her "Planet of the Apes". I didn't see it on the shelf anywhere. Not the new box set. Not the TV show. Not the individual releases. And definitely not the 35th Anniversary Edition.

Mind you, I wasn't going to buy it. I hadn't seen the box yet (in my hands) and I just wanted to touch it. Really. But, bless this girl's heart, she looked it up in the computer, said they should have some and retreated to the stockroom to find one.

Now, I could have very easily left the store, leaving her high and dry with "The Legacy Collection". But I go into this store at least once a week. What if I were to run into her again and she remembered me? Plus, I'm the biggest (and most sensitive) dope in the world. I know I wouldn't like it if someone left on me and I make it a point not to do things to others that would tick me off.

I stuck around.

And now I am the proud owner of "Planet of the Apes: The Legacy Collection".

But really, this isn't anything out of the ordinary for me (we all know that). What disturbed me is the lack of "Apes" merchandise on the shelf. As I said before, there was nothing there (I still haven't seen the ape head collection in the flesh yet). The two store websites I've visited since Saturday says I can't pick up any of the movies in the store, despite the fact they were put out by a major studio (Fox) and were just re-released on DVD. As my newest six disc collection sat on the passenger seat in the car, I asked myself what kind of schlub kept the "Apes" re-release off the shelf.

Now, I am well aware that all big box retailers have an independent marketing firm come through and re-stock the shelves five days a week (Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday). You may ask how I know this. I used to work at a BBR (big box retailer) and as a merchandiser. I find it extremely unlikely that no one noticed any of these titles weren't on the shelf.

(I understand the 35th Anniversary set-no one has it anymore-and the ape head collection-an exorbitant retail price coupled with a relatively old movie series isn't going to be a great seller.)

How many people really knew "Apes" was going to be on the shelf in new editions (anamorphic and extended cut of "Battle for the Planet of the Apes")? And of those people who knew it was coming, how many were actually going to run to the store to buy any of the discs when "King Kong" was released on the same day? To me, this release was little more than a tie-in with the other big ape movie. Sure, most people were very happy to have anamorphic transfers for all the movies and the new cut, but lots of features were dropped for the first film. (Luckily the absolutely fantasmically wonderful "Behind the Planet of the Apes" documentary is included in its original, 2+ hour length.)

Tie-in aside, there was little demand for these films to hit the shelf again, outside of hard-core collectors and fans. But none of that negates the point that these films should have been staring me in the face, begging to be bought. If someone like me had to ask where they were, how about poor Joe Six Pack who didn't know they were out (again)? Someone dropped the ball big-time on this one.

My philosophy, as a consumer, is that if what I am looking for is not on the shelf, the store doesn't have it. I'm not going to waste my time by asking an employee who barely cares about their job to help me find something. I'll simply go to another store if I want it bad enough or order it online when I get home. Isn't the impulse purchase one of the reasons for having row after row after row of DVD's for the public to look at, to touch, to read, to feel? How many other releases aren't bought because they aren't stocked on the shelf for whatever reason? In this day of lightning fast computers and vast databases of information, there is no reason for something to be sitting in a stock room and not on the floor for the public to purchase.

However, I also understand for every movie that is put on the shelf, one less can be put on there. Therefore, maybe I have to blame the various editions of the far-from-classic "Deuce Bigelow: European Gigalow" or "Mean Girls" for not finding "Planet of the Apes" on the shelf. Then again, maybe I'm just asking for way too much.

It has happened before.

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